


In Complete Denial: A Completely Canon and Serious Re-write of Infinity War, by a cultured academic.

by TheYandereQueen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Advice, Comedy, Dating, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Gen, Infinity Gauntlet, Infinity Gems, Interviews, McDonald's, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, News Media, Parody, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Relationship Advice, Sarcasm, Serious, Starbucks, Thanos Gives Excellent Dating Tips, loki is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 04:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14464950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYandereQueen/pseuds/TheYandereQueen
Summary: Infinity War SpoilersAs a completely serious academic there is a scientific phenomena known as the "Mandela Effect" often this happens when everyone witnesses something and then later it is discovered to have never happened.The Russo brother have confirmed in interviews they never made a movie in their lives and to "Kindly get out of our bedroom, we are calling the cops." (Russo 2018)It turns out that Infinity War was just a fever dream caused by global warming and chemtrails.  As a conspiracy to distract us from the real trick, that Loki is still alive and everything is fine.





	1. Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of a long investigation into the conspiracy known as "Loki dying in Infinity War". 

We have sent our best reporter "SexyYandereQueen" to investigate. 

She talks about her experience (while definitely not at gunpoint) and interviews her fellow fandom friends (also not at gunpoint) about the lies spread by the Than-servative government.

She then joins ALL of the Avengers who totally survived in Wakanda, where they were attending the opening of Wakanda's first Starbucks.

Next chapter we dive into how Loki survived a whole ship exploding around him after he tripped and fell over Tony Stark's and Dr. Stephen Strange's Collective Ego. (The ship's structure couldn't bear the weight.)


	2. So, Loki is Alive but... It's weird.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exclusive interview with the former Russian spy.

SexyYandereQueen sat down in the new Starbucks in Wakanda with Natasha Romanov and Okoye.

Natasha has an espresso, she barely touched it.

"We were here last night for the opening party, and the Barista ended up putting dairy in my _Soy_ Latte. Since then I've been really bloated." She rubs her belly, and sips the dark coffee beverage.

Okoye sits cross legged, sipping on a Caramel Macchiato, extra whipping cream and caramel brule sprinkles. 

"She's Pregnant." Okoye says, "I can tell."

Natasha gives her a hurt look. "That isn't pos-"

"APOLOGIES MS. ROMANOV. IVE TELEPORTED INTO YOUR UTERUS." A muffled voice came from within her stomach.

A shocked expression crosses Natasha's face. Okoye looks exceptionally smug but not surprised, she is always right even when she is wrong.

SexyYandereQueen looks to Natasha's stomach pointing the microphone so his voice could be heard better. 

SexyYandereQueen knew exactly who it was because she had written several self insert sexually oriented orgy fanfictions involving her, Steve Rogers, The A'askvarii Rockband called "Groot's Roots" and a guy who insisted he was Batman, whoever that was.

"Loki?" 

"Precisely." He says, as if this was all part of some grand scheme. 

Natasha's voice was cold, "Explain yourself immediately."

"Well, you see." He clears his throat. "This is a prank gone wrong. I forgot I'd placed a spell on you.. many years ago at that Myspace party. Remember, Tom invited us?"

"That wasn't a party! You kidnapped him and tried to invade the earth with THE Chitari!"

"It isn't my fault that the translation for "frat party" in Asgardian is "Murder party!" I'm a good guy now, I finished my redemption arc and everything! Plus they only trashed New York, that place is a shithole anyway."

Natasha gets up and grumbles down at her belly as she continues to argue with Loki waddling out of the Starbucks. 

Okoye finishes her drink. "So, they just opened up a McDonald's I've heard the legend of the McRib. I wish to eat it, and try to identify the mysterious animal used in its production."

 

 

 


	3. Dating Advice with Thanos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> App developer Thanos smugly smirks while staring directly at the sun.

Thanos, the self proclaimed king of dating and bubble enthusiast sits down with SexyYandereQueen to discuss his new app.

SYQ : "So, tell us your advice about landing your dream person."

Thanos nods, as if contemplating the question. "In the universe, resources are limited. I had to sit down with my spouse..." He points to an empty chair. "...and discuss how we could make a universal app to find love."

SYQ: "What do you say to the Beta testers who have criticized the limited choices in terms of matches?"

"Limited? Let me see.."

He contemplates the app. 

"Oh, that is a feature. It is definitely working as it intended. Let me fix something..."

"Thanos, what have you done?"

"Oh, I had to swipe left on half the Universe." He hands back the phone. "Don't worry, I heard about how passionate the Loki fandom was so I treated his character with respect. Now they can all join him! "

*Editor's Note*

We have yet to hear back from SexyYandereQueen since her visit with Thanos.

However, Thanos did scribble some dating advice in the margins of the notebook mailed to us.

"WALK LIKE YOU HAVE A SEXY SECRET."

"SEND CLOSEUPS OF YOUR GENITALS TO UNSUSPECTING WOMEN. THEY REALLY APPRECIATE THE COMPLIMENT."

"HAVE A TRAGIC BACKSTORY PREPARED FOR YOUR FIRST DATE."

"CREATE A PARTNER IN YOUR OWN MIND TO BATTLE YOUR INCURABLE LONELINESS."


End file.
